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Decay		 To ponder life's little ponderings..... or something..... [ October 23, 2002 ]

It has been a pretty bad week.... shootings at droidy's uni, software/hardware refusing to play properly at work for me and my brain slowly turning to mush.... as it tries to find out what is up with it...

Really I don't know whats wrong with me..... I feel like I did about 5 years ago... just very depressed, always tired and really not seeing a way out. I'm putting this down to a few things.... money,wedding,self. Let's expand on that shall we?

Money : I have (stupidly?) got myself in to a fair amount of debt in the past 6-8 months.... the moving out/buying car/ wisdom teeth removing sort of debt... so I'm now quite paranoid about my financial situation. Not in the short term mind you.... I'm not bitching here because I can't buy things I want.... but I'm worried about the future.... as in the next couple of years when I shall be part of a couple.... us against the world blah blah and all that.... going into marriage with a large amount of debt, is not how I planned this thing..... not that I planned everything... but you know what I mean...

Wedding : I want to be married to droidy.... I am really over the whole wedding thing, and we have not even started planning yet. I'm annoyed that I can't spend more time with her, because we have to get married first... I feel more and more isolated when she isn't around my (our?) house... There is only the noise of computers and fish tanks... I don't listen to as much music as I used to... so the burble and whiz sounds try put me to sleep.... I'm a sap at times.... and most of them are late at night in an empty house alone....

Self : I can't seem to get anything done.... whether it is because of being a bit depressed or a cause of it I don't know... I need to quit smoking,I need to lose weight, I need to stop playing computer games online,I need to get around to do all those things I don't do properly.... I need.... um... I don't know.... I need to do something.... something to stop me being such a grumpy shit all the time...

So... this is the cause of the lack of action on the site... whether it be behind the scenes posting or whatever... I'm trying but, I just don't know at the moment.... I would rather snuggle down next to droidy as she studies and quietly ignore the world, than do anything else....

On a good note.... last week (Tuesday night shopping) I bought fruit.... 4 apples, 4 bananas and four mandarins.... and as I type this now.... I am finishing the last of the fruit.... Since I moved out I have bought fruit.... and looked upon it as something I should try to ingest... but in the end it becomes a rotting plastic bag of goo in the fridge and is chucked out. Well not this time, I finished it... so um... there

I'll just go back into my little mind cocoon now and leave the world to the non-chrysalis type people..... and for those people.... go read some of this....
Comments

*huggle* ...

Posted by: [0-0] on October 23, 2002 09:55 AM

If feeling isolated and droidy can't come around call friendly neighborhood sister and drop over or she cna and you cna .. you know ... talk or get a drink somewhere (her shout) don't get all morose on me know little bro ;)

:) Di

Posted by: DK The Elder on October 23, 2002 10:23 AM

decay sounds sad.....not good.....don't be sad....life too precious to be sad....

:)

Posted by: b on October 23, 2002 10:32 AM

Hi there. The "pit of depression" is a nasty place to live. I've been there a couple of times, and it's always nice to come back out again. Right now I'm going through the "I have a new baby, so nothing significant will happen for about 2 years" stage. I've done it once, so I know I can get through it. You, obviously, don't have that luxury. However, the wedding crap will all come to an end, and married you will be. As for the debt thing. Um...can't say much there. I have managed to get into stupid amounts of debt far too often. These, too, pass.

Remember the good things. Yell at a few of the bad ones.

How's work, by the way?

Posted by: sparker on October 23, 2002 02:54 PM

"All things must pass, this too will pass..." some quote from some guy.... always thrown up by my mother...

Knowing this and seeing this happen are two distinct things...

As for work... it goes.... I tend not to post work rants up anymore, because I know far too many people from work know about humble ole rantspace....

I will have a person blog type thing... only for me.... but that will be password protected or hidden or blocked to work or something to stop some people reading it.... but alas that is another "thing to do"™....

When I was younger I swim through the seas of depression.... and loved the feel of it over my mushy brain... these days it is more of a dog paddle looking for the shallows.... I don't enjoy it...

I'll put up a list of "things to do"™ and check 'em off as I go.... maybe that'll help?

Posted by: Decay on October 23, 2002 03:54 PM

Things for Decay to do

1. Hug Droidy
2. Call sister, get drunk together (she needs this as much as him)
3. Visit dog, throw ball, wrestle (dogs always make things better)
4. Play Guitar Loudly (me suspects little of this happening lately and prob missed)
5. Hug Droidy again (just in case :))
6. Repeat if neccessary

Thank you for you participation in this cheer up Decay event

:) Di

Posted by: DK The Elder on October 23, 2002 04:21 PM

Dude, print some of those excellent photos from the post after this one, and put them up on your wall. They will cheer you up and remind you of what is really important.

Preparing a wedding is a long haul, but worth it. The wedding will probably bring debt for a while, but that is worth it too - every cent.

"Don't let the bastards grind you down."

Posted by: Shane on October 24, 2002 12:52 AM

Ditto to Shane.

Posted by: sparker on October 24, 2002 02:31 PM
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