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Decay
December, the most hated of months....

This is the entry that seals my fate as a hardened cynic... with little or no redeeming value... It comes to December and everything changes.... to the world as we know it suddenly becomes a wonderful mix of dinners, parties and 'catching-up'.... never mind the whole Christmas thing.... December is fucked from the beginning.... the reason Christmas feels nice, is that its almost the end of December, you no longer have to do December things....

I will probably upset and annoy people with this rant..... so read on at your own risk......

It has been a while since I last vented at the world..... and this time I fucking mean it. I hate December. I really don't like the Christmas time type thing and for me New Years has always been overrated...

Firstly is the congregation of adults that emerges... you see them everywhere.... and I'm not talking about church services full of people who don't go the rest of the year or even believe.... they do it 'for the kids' or perhaps honestly, "just in case".... no, it isn't some mass exodus to the tax-havens we know as the modern church, but to coffee shops, restaurants, theme bars and the like.... So we adults, we happy many, can sit around and talk to our extended group of friends and friends-in-laws and R-less friends about all the things we've done during the year.....

You see the problem? If we had bothered to actually see these people during the year, we would not need to sit around and talk about what we'd been doing, because, we would already know.... and when you don't catch up with people, I generally don't care... that is not being harsh... it is just the truth.... so these little dinnerlets are just useless pandering to the culture of "we must catch up more"... and the dinners with these friends and friends-in-law(-in-law) are always at the most banal places where the establishment serves up lots of different types of mediocre. We could go to a good restaurant that serves good food of one type (be it Japanese, Chinese, Italian, Mexican, what have you...) but there is always the problem of so-and-so doesn't like <food type>..... grrrrrrrr oh and did I mention I have stomach cramps from crappy food today? well I do......

To the whole Christmas thing.... I'm not religious, in fact I could be anti-religious in my more self-righteous moments.... so the whole idea of Christmas therefore doesn't quite sit nicely with me... I don't mind the getting together with my friends for a bit of a party or whatever, and it even can be said, I like the family get together stuff.. generally they tend to be less stressful and fight worthy than the rest of the year, the lead up to Christmas can be bad family wise, but the actual event is lots of fun... but the gifts..... oh for fuck sake

Everyone asks what you want for Christmas, but you can't say what you want because that would be rude, because generally you want stuff other people can't afford or would even consider. I would not ask friends to buy me underwear, which no matter how mundane I still need it, it's just not done. What I'd like from everyone is bucket loads of cash... but that ain't on the cards either. So we search around for that something that makes us as the giver feel better... I dunno, I'm just sick of it all......

Update, powered by Irony Control™

Well it seems the deity of Irony wanted me to really hurt.... A trip to help the parentals with putting up Christmas decorations delivered me a bag of decorations and a tree, cut lovingly from my Parentals farm..... these given to me, they were expected to be assembled in the appropriate manner and be available to viewing when my parentals visit sunny Melbourne this week.......

So after bitching and moaning about Christmas (actually you guys didn't get the full tirade.... I forgot all the stuff about decorations and tinsel and the like when I put this entry up.... but you people are smart enough to realise what I would think of such things.......) I now am an owner of a tree with lights and bells and little wooden things....... still no tinsel..... so at least I'm still partly sane.


Comments

Hmmmmm..... Did you get dropped by a Santa clone when you were very young?

Actually, some of what you say I sort of agree with, but I must strongly disagree with your hatred of gift giving/getting. This is one thing I have always enjoyed. My family has a tradition of putting together a "Christmas List" of all the things we want, ranging from the aforementioned underwear, through to the diamond earrings: something for everyone. Then we (sort of) agreed on budgets. Suddenly it became easy. And, strangely, easy tends to mean fun.

So with my work a pile of horse shit, and my nights consisting of watching films from 2:00am-5:00am trying to get little ones to go back to sleep, I must say that I like December. I like Christmas. It's fun.

So there......

Posted by: sparker on December 9, 2002 04:20 PM

The family type present stuff I can handle.... it is the non-family thing that shits me..........

Posted by: Decay on December 9, 2002 04:24 PM

... Christmas isn't really a Christian holiday, anyway. They stole it. It's actually a Winter Solstice celebration, with a tree god thrown in for good measure (German, I believe).

Posted by: sparker on December 9, 2002 04:24 PM

Which "non-family" stuff do you get sucked into? I must admit I have never done any real non-family gift swapping. I've always been a selfish prat!

Posted by: sparker on December 9, 2002 04:31 PM

Oiiiii..

December's not that bad. It's my birthday in 9 days in fact.

The only *bad* thing is is getting one cheap-ass present for both days. Grrrr!!

Posted by: Moby on December 9, 2002 04:37 PM

... December's bad enough, and then it's my birthday as well ... way to get ignored twice in the same month!

Christmas has pretty much been a non-issue, well, it was til the Decay and Droidy collaboration began ... I end up playing elf or something wrapping and delivering hampers to business associates of the parental company ... I actually don't mind the wrapping thing though ...

Back to the Christmas thing ... for most of high school, I was one of those who wished all my friends a happy birthday, bought them something I hoped they'd like (after spending most of the year listening out for any hints), wished them a merry christmas and gave out more presents, only to feel just a little bit ignored when my turn came around ... it's not the presents, it's the thought. Just a card would've done me nicely!

This got a lot more difficult to keep up once we all went off to different universities (OK, I went off to a different university to everyone else) because it got harder to keep up with everyone for such reasons as um... being left out of arrangements? So, everyone agreed to give up on the Christmas gift giving thing ... and forgot to tell me.

No, not bitter ... I've given up on the Birthday thing also, unless I know I'm going to see them ...

Is that enough of a rant?

Posted by: [0-0] on December 9, 2002 04:47 PM

"Is that enough of a rant?" You can never have enough rant!

Posted by: sparker on December 9, 2002 05:03 PM

I'm with Decay on this one - without doubt.
In fact, it's because of damn CHRISTmess that I ousted myself from my prattish inner-family circle in NZ.
I loathe (beyond belief) those meaningless and humility-impaired family catchups. As you mention Decay, whyTF would I even care to bother about some blood-related stranger's sudden feign of interest in my life - after totally disregarding me for the entirety of the year?
Those gatherings existed for me only to savour my own sarcasm.

In fact, it was my ex-wife (Dutch - every molecule of her) that finally put an end to the horrors of the Annaula Winterness Affair. She stood up at the 26 seater mahogony table in the palacial dining hall of the stuffed-hunting-trophy-lined mansion, in front of my embarrasment of a disfunctional family, and proceeded to inform them how they appeared to the rest of the hapless world, and that a meaningless get-together at CHRISTmess served only to show off the fruits of their illicit gains.

We grabbed our daughter and walked out of their lives.

__

..There was a message for the 1st time from my mother in NZ on the answerphone today.
I've been here in Aus since February this year...

Yah :-|

Posted by: SaMbO on December 9, 2002 09:15 PM

It's that time of the year again(as they say)...and once again you tend to have a bit of a think/rant/pensive moment about what the whole deal is about...this will be my first Christmas away from home, away from the family, and I'm kinda chuffed about having to think of something to do on my own, ooh, the possibilities are endless. Well, unfortunately not, since everything tends to be shut on Christmas but we'll see what we come up with. Something in Paris, how bad can it be??
Anyway, I'm kinda like some people above who used to spend Christmas with disfunctional extended family(btw, had a Sociology lecturer point out that a functional family doesn't exist, what makes a family functional or disfunctional?? If you have a family, then isn't it inherently functional??) until the parentals couldn't hack the 'sitting around pretending to be happy while I really just want to leave this frikken place.' So I remember the first year that we politely said 'No, this year we aren't spending Christmas with you' and spent it with close family friends and had a better time. But felt a bit guilty about it too, I think. Now it's easier, but at first it was hard coz it was a given that we all had to spend Christmas together even though there was an intense dislike in the air.
Um, I think that's all I had to say. That, and Christmas decorations here are really cool. And the ads are great. I quote: 'A Christmas without foie gras?? Surely not!! Remember *Brand* Foie Gras to make your Christmas really prestigious.' So don't forget the duck liver this Christmas, kids. It just wouldn't be Christmas without it.

Posted by: Em on December 9, 2002 09:34 PM

Sure Em, I hear ya (and you're lecturer) but generally 'functions' are by design of a desired output.
What if the 'actual' output is less than desired?

I can honestly attest to my family's disfunctionality. It's only hereditory design that created my family unit (well that and the fact that I am adopted.. which only ever meant that neither I nor them actually had a choice in the matter thanks to the NZ Govt of the time) - and that most certainly did NOT automatically translate into a functional group by definition.

Utopian it may be, to assume that family's are 'born' with adequate process mapping for sustained togetherness.

Posted by: SaMbO on December 9, 2002 09:44 PM

christmas is great, especially when you are not working in retail for the first time in a very long time.

i don't "catch up" with friends that i hardly see just becuase it is christmas/december, I see them throughout the year as well so i don't have any extra dinner parties/gatherings/cath ups just becuase it is december.

our family gets together at christmas....and i see them throughout the year...so it is not like what decay said. We have lotsa food, yummy food - pasta, seafood, antipasto, dessert...alcohol...it is all good...

you get to see my neice open her presents with joy - she is 2, and with each year she loves it more and more...end up sometimes playing with the paper more than what she got...

this year will be different...i will be in paris with Em where we will have to think of something to do...

Posted by: b on December 10, 2002 12:10 PM

Just RE functional and disfunctional families...I'm not sure if I agreed with lecturer either, but she did have a point. Another interesting point about families made by a different lecturer, is that while a lot of people recognise the fact that their own family/family life was crap, it is still an institution that we hurry to imitate, and create our own version of, no matter how dodgy our experiences have been.

Yes, I realise this is a generalisation coz not everyone wants to go out and create a 'DIY Family' but was food for thought.

So why do people feel the need to build a family of their own even though their own family experiences might have been really negative?? There are lots of possible answers.

Posted by: Em on December 10, 2002 09:33 PM

I Love Christmas! Can't help it I love the whole thing about it.

I too catch up with friends, but mostly I've seen them throughout the year so it's not a everything all at once.

I love finding the right presents for my family and best friends. (And I gave you 2 pressies last year droidy, one for your birthday remember :) )
Getting presents is secondary for me I just love shopping for exactly the right thing.

I love lunch with the whole family, we don't all sit down for a meal together that often, although we have done so more since the parentals moved to Foster, so its nice to have everybody chatting around good food. I even like trying to get decay to wear the funny cracker hats, its not him wearing the hat it's the attempt to get him to wear it :P

I love it all. Can't help it I'm a born optimist.

And Just in case I don't get to say it

Merry Christmas to all the rantspacers around the world, where ever you may be.

Posted by: DK The Elder on December 12, 2002 09:08 AM

Oddly enough this is the first time that I've felt compelled to add my own comments ("Hi. First-time caller, long-time listener"). The thought of writing anything has sent shivers down my spine since I gave up the Intr'acte Newsletter. Or maybe it was the severe blow to the head I received today.

This is definitely an issue or issues that I can relate to. Apologies in advance to anyone who celebrates their birthday in December :)

1. Let's start with the friends thing . . .
Firstly, I must admit that I'm notorious for not seeing/calling friends often enough. However, that said I honestly believe that the phrase "we must catch up more" was the brainchild of a marketing executive for a major food/coffee chain. This guy probably earns my annual wage every time one face lifted, breast implanted, jewel encrusted, Range Rover driving Toorak socialite or wannabe say it to another. Anyway, back to the point.
I've never really been one to catch up with friends simply because it's December but I know what it's like to try to organize an event for that month.
"Can you make it on the xth?"
"No."
"x+1th?"
"No."
"x+2th?"
"No."
"x+7th?"
"Yes."
"Oh, sorry, work/family/out-law event that day. How about . . . ?"
If you are lucky enough to get a date you can both/all agree on, take my advice - don't go out to dinner - stay at home! Recently I saw about a dozen 10-12 year old girls at the video library trying to find a PG film that none of them had seen while their sole male parent/guardian rocked slowly back and forth in the corner of the room.
Bottom line is if you're trying to "get-together" with someone in December, book them in April!

2. Now for the Christmas issue . . .
I don't really mind my xmas (where obviously x=Christ, go figure?!? If anyone can show me the math behind this I'd really appreciate it) - it's everyone else's that I have issues with.
For my first 18 years xmas was xmas-eve with German family - light supper, coffee, cakes, presents and home to bed before Satan, er Santa arrived. Xmas day was with English/Australian + German family (can't get enough of it those Germans) - lunch, coffee, cakes, presents, dinner, more coffee, cakes and home to bed and all was well with the world.
The introduction of "she-who-shall-be-identified-by-a-random-letter-of-the-alphabet-oh-let's-say-G" and her family (referred to as "the outlaws") added a whole new dimension to xmas. This is where it gets a bit messy.
(This is more a continual flow of words rather that a sentence) Now it's a case of having lunch with the outlaws because we had a light supper with my family the night before even though we went there at midnight so they could go to midnight mass while I watch some non-xmas related movie (one year I watched Schindler's List) but do we have lunch with the maternal-grand-outlaws or the paternal-grand-outlaws well we had lunch with the maternal-grand-outlaws two years ago and it was hell and the outlaws refused to go the paternal-grand-outlaws last year so it was just lunch with them but now the maternal-grand-outlaw is hinting that she's not going to Sydney this year so the tomato throwing uncle is coming to Melbourne but we haven't had lunch with my family in about four years and because my brother and his wife don't stay for dinner it means I haven't seen them for years and apparently I have a niece that I've never even met but because the venue for my 30+ member family was sold I now have to drive to Pakenham at 1pm for lunch, Richmond at 3pm and back to Pakenham at 5pm.
All quite irrelevant really but it does prompt this question - Why do my outlaws whom I don't really get on well with want me to come to xmas lunch when they know I'll just sit on the couch like a rather quiet nervous potato, waiting for the appropriate time to spill the wine on the rather expensive table cloth and try to resist the urge to insert my salad fork into the rather loud cat that just clawed his way through my pants to sit on my lap and eat off my plate (is that the right fork to use?).
Bottom line is if you think you have problems with your family at Christmas - your problems double when you're a couple!

3. Presents
As part of the not seeing my friends enough thing, a few years ago Decay and I agreed to a moratorium on birthday presents - just so long as we acknowledge the birthday, get-together, whatever - that was enough - just do the present thing at xmas. A pretty good idea for eleven months of the year. I think we both realize the floor in this concept every December. Rather than getting all stressed over what to give each other on the anniversary of our birth, let's lump all of the stress into the same month that we're already stressed over what to give everyone else at xmas! Plus because it's xmas and not a just birthday we kind of have to make it a gift for a couple so it has to be something they'll both like (and we're back to the girls and the video library problem again). :) I'd better go shopping tomorrow.

4. My own problems with the month of December
The first or second Friday in December has its own issues for me. I have take a day off work and help my parents set up the caravan etc on the Rosebud foreshore. Not too much to ask of a son with the exception of the tent pole dropped on my head this year but then I have to help their friends on the site next door do the same and this year I had to do it for their friends friends as well. That's a total of 3 caravans pushed into place, 9 annexes walls inserted and zipped, 15 annexe roof poles inserted and extended, 20 poles erected, 40 tent pegs hammered, and 40 ropes tightened. What do I get out of this arrangement? An assortment of lumps, bumps, bruises, bites, burns (both sun and regular), and scratches. What do they get out of this arrangement every year? They get to catch up with their friends over the xmas break. Congratulations people, we've come full circle.

Issues much?

Apologies if this comment is longer than Decay's original rant.

Nuff said.

Posted by: Shane on December 14, 2002 03:17 AM

Hehe - amen to that brother.

Dawning upon me is the wonderful realisation that being in a country where my family is not, is one of this season's greatest blessings.
It doesn't appear to stop them from piling on the obligatory Xmas peer pressure any, however it most certainly limits my involvement. *grin*

Danni and I are in the most fantastic of situations whereby we find ourselves asking:
"What shall WE do for Xmas day?"

Has it all been some kind of cosmic test?
Are the hardships of Xmas's past merely papers of a Xmas Degree?
Have I graduated now?
Are the beings that created our belief system rewarding me for being pushed to such ludicrous extremes, as they demonstrated how far they could stretch human faith to their neigbouring planet on a wager?

Either way - I made it through. And so, it would appear, did my fiance.
We'd invite you to join our solitary celebration of togetherness, but that would be kinda paradoxical would it not? ;p

We'll see you on Boxing Day instead. :D

Posted by: SaMbO on December 15, 2002 02:16 PM

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